i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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