I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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