I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
