Swine flu. Run for my life!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
vagina is talking i cant
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
