The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
