Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
