Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently you make a good broom.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
