my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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