dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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