Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just found puke in my bra..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
