At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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