we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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