All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
