so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
