She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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