Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
