the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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