What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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