Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
