True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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