im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
