I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Randomize
