So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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