Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
