You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
