dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
