i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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