Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
smell my finger.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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