I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
