I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
