so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
