I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
