Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
