she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
