From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
