I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
did i just pee glitter
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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