he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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