shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize