what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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