i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
