my mouth tastes like poor choices
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
