get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
