i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
