Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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