thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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