it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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