I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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