She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and she was petting her beer can
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
