i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
