my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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