i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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