I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
