were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
