I wish I could punch you in the face.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
