My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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