Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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