it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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