Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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