he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
