Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
