I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
