Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
